Are you gay and a parent? The parenting gay test might be the hardest one you have to master. Manplay.com gives you some tips to help you balance both. It might be tough sometimes to accept that you're a parent, and that you're not just a parent, you are a gay parent. What does that mean? It means that you might have some hurdles to jump to feel as though you're not being labeled or judged. Never mind what others think for a minute. It's been proven that gay parents sometimes feel the need to overcompensate when it comes to parenting due to the fact that there's an element of having 'something to prove’. As soon as you throw that notion out the window, you'll find that you'll ease right into your parenting role. It's not easy to be a parent, and even harder when you've just gone through the process of adoption or surrogacy. Having a child as a gay man is not an easy task. There's a lot more involved than people realize, and it's perfectly normal to have a few moments of panic when everything finally comes together and you're holding your new little bundle of joy. Manplay.com wants to help you adjust to your new lifestyle and has 5 tips that will help you on your parenting journey. Follow these steps to gay parenting success:
Just because you're a gay male raising children with another gay male doesn't mean that you have anything to prove, not to yourself or anyone else. You are a capable human being who went through the process of building a family with your partner, and you deserve to enjoy the process. Knowing that you will make mistakes is all a part of being a parent. Straight parents make mistakes, and they've been making them for a lot longer than gay parents considering it's been less than 20 years since adoption for gay couples was legalized. Think about that the next time you feel the need to brag too much to your friends about how perfect of a parent you are. It's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to say you don't know. Knowing everything is overrated. Your baby is precious and fragile, but don't coddle them too much. You don't want to raise a needy child either. Finding your balance as a parent is extremely important, and you don't have to tip the scale one way or another to prove anything just because you're a gay parent.
Joining an online gay parenting group will help you when you have questions about coping as a gay parent, or about being a parent in general. There are thousands of gay couples who have gone through what you and your partner are going through. Reach out to other parents instead of trying to figure it out on your own. You'll feel better knowing that there are others out there with similar issues, and you'll have the support system you need when you really need some help. Also, there are the perks of clothing exchanges, recipe exchanges, and buddy systems. Extending that baby olive branch to other local gay couples is a great way to ease your stress when you're going through some tough parenting times.
Don't hold back from showing affection to your partner. You might think that there's a stigma attached to being a gay parent. Studies show that children who come from same-sex homes are no more likely to have behavioural problems than those who come from straight family homes. So, let that calm your nerves when you are questioning how gay you should be in front of your child. It's healthy to show love and affection toward your partner. It's responsible to show your child how to love, how to respect, and what a happy home looks like. If you try and avoid those things because you're afraid of creating a problem that doesn't exist, you may actually create a bigger one. Be yourself and love your partner, and your child will grow up striving because they came from a loving household.
Don't get lazy because you are afraid to leave the house. Yes, there will be people who won't accept you for who you are and what your family represents. That is none of your concern. Staying home because you and your partner fear disapproving gazes, or fear that your children will be looked at differently is no way to live. You were prepared for the hurdles before you adopted, so now you have to push those feelings aside and carry on as 'normal'. Staying active was important to you before you had a child, and it's just as important now that you have one. Your child needs the exercise, the sun, and the example that active parents are setting for them. Children mimic what their parents do before they take on their own personalities. Being active creates active children and you want your children to be healthy. You should also strive to stay healthy so that you can keep up with your kid when he/ she gets old enough to run around.
Keep in mind that your gay family status might be hard for your child to accept. When your chid is old enough to go to school, they might start to feel the effects of still cave-minded individuals. We still live in a society that is relatively brand new to gay marriage and gay adoption. It'll still take some time for everyone to adjust to the new laws, and that means that your child might have a difficult time explaining the dynamic of your family. Let them go at their own pace. As long as you keep the dialogue open and allow your child to ask questions, they will eventually feel comfortable with their own story and explanation. Do not force your child to spill the gay beans everywhere if they're not comfortable doing so. If you know that this might be an issue going it, you'll be less surprised and hurt when it comes up. Thankfully this generation is a lot more accepting, and as your child ages it will be easier for more people to accept that gay households are growing, and will continue to grow. By the time your little one is in school, maybe they won't be hesitant to talk about their home life. If they are however, give them the space they need to go at their own pace.
You have already overcome so many obstacles by coming out as a gay man, living your life as a gay man, and starting a family with another gay man. Now, your biggest obstacle is overcoming what you think you should do as a gay man raising a family, and what you should do as just a man raising a family. As long as you know that you're doing your best, drop the stigma and relax a little. You had enough stress when you thought you had HOCD. If you can overcome that, you can overcome this. Being a parent is hard work, but you knew that before you decided to grow your family. Now that you have the child you've been dreaming about and waiting for, it's time to enjoy it. There are a ton of people around you that are there to support you when you feel overwhelmed. Turn to your support system when you feel like you're on the edge and just need a little guidance. It's okay to ask for help, even when your pride would like to say otherwise. No family is perfect, gay or not. Don't get into the habit of comparing yours to anyone else's. Every home is different, individual and special in its own way. Embrace that and celebrate your family for what it is. Your parenting experience falls solely on you and your partner, so as long as you've got each other's backs when everything is chaotic, know that it will be okay. Parenting is the toughest job you will ever had, but people get through it, raise amazing little people, and take pride in their accomplishments. You will learn to do that as well, but first you have to let go and enjoy the moments as they come. Refer to the tips on this page whenever you feel overwhelmed, and who knows? Maybe you'll be able to help another gay family get through some tough times of their own. Sometimes it takes a village to raise a child, and in the case of a gay family, that might prove more true because there are more obstacles. Celebrate that you've made it this far with your partner and that you're strong enough to take it the rest of the way.