Happy Monday to all the men of ManPlay! My Inbox certainly makes it seem like you all had a fun weekend, and I’m glad to hear it! With spring in full bloom it really seems like a lot of you are taking to ManPlay in a big way and making sure to take advantage of all it has to offer. One of my favorite stories that I received from a ManPlay member included him hilariously ending up on a date and then realizing once he was there he had already been out with that man before years earlier! A series of false starts kept them from getting together earlier and the man who wrote me luckily covered for his mistake quite well and they hit it off – for the second time. Happy to hear it! Another letter I got was asking me for signs that the man you’re seeing is only interested in you for a fun hookup and nothing more, which got me thinking about signs you can tell early on what his intentions are.

First off, think about when you’re being contacted by him and when you’re contacting him. If you find that you are doing most of the dialing and that you can recite his voicemail by heart you’ve heard it so many times, that’s a sign that this isn’t going anywhere beyond a hookup. Sure, he might pick up on occasion, but at what time of day is he picking up? Does he spend time chatting to you or is it a quick conversation to arrange a place to meet soon after? The same goes for texts. If you get texts during the day asking about how your day is going and what you have planned for that evening, that’s one thing. On the other hand, if you don’t hear from him all day and then at 11:30 at night you get essentially a ‘sext’ asking what you’re wearing, asking where you are, when you can get together… That’s not a good sign for a potential relationship. This is definitely the sort of texting that goes in the ‘booty call’ category, especially with them coming so late at night. If you’re fine with that, then that’s great. But this is a piece on signs that you are just being looked at as a hookup partner, so there’s a good chance you’re reading it because you’re wondering if you are!

Another thing to be on the lookout for is if you are constantly ‘almost’ meeting his friends. Maybe you’ve been pressuring him to meet them or maybe it’s been his idea, but for whatever reason it keeps seeming to get put off. This is not a good sign, even if it’s supposed to be a casual night out where you join him and several of his friends out on the town. If you find that the plans keep on changing and you end up going directly to his place instead or the opposite… Not good. In some ways this makes sense. When you introduce someone new to your group of friends, even in a very casual setting, there are bound to be questions asked as a result. However, if you’re keen to avoid that line of questioning you probably don’t seem that serious about the person you’ve started seeing. It’s true that gay men can be a bit catty too (I know – a generalization, but it does happen!) so you might not want to introduce someone to them until you’re sure you’re going to keep seeing him regardless of what they say. Also being sure your date can handle meeting them is another issue!

When it comes to getting intimate, if you find the intimacy is largely relegated to the bedroom and nowhere else, that’s not a good sign either that he sees you in any other light. If he’s all into you when you’re in bed, but the second you leave the confines of that room it seems a lot more like you two are ‘bros’, you can almost be positive the relationship won’t be going anywhere past the hookup stage. Notice any of these are happening to you? You might want to talk to him directly about it. If you find yourself getting irritated at the ‘Where are we?!’ ambiguity of your relationship and then, when asked about it,  find yourself getting put off by him saying that he needs to work on himself a bit before he can consider being in anything serious, I would consider this to be a definite brush-off. A ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ if you will. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but in my experience if a man wants to be with you, he’s going to be with you even if he is a total mess!

Am I right with these signs? Are you sometimes okay with it, even if you realize he’s not the gay Romeo you’ve been seeking? Let me know if you agree with these signs or not and have an amazing week!

John xo

Categories: Gay Men Gay Romeo John