Time is a funny thing, isn’t it? I for one can’t believe that we are already heading towards the end of July. How did that happen? I know, I know: It’s easy to figure out how it happened. With the summer it seems like every single day is full from morning to night and the weekend are no time to be catching up on sleep when there are so many dates you could be going on with men from ManPlay. I know I’ve definitely had a renewed interest in finding new men to go out with and I have two this weekend to look forward to. We’ve been mentioning lately all the great letters we get on a daily basis. Sometimes we look at all the ones we’ve received over a week or two and look for similarities. Whether we are doing this to see if there is a common thread of things people mention they would like the site to do differently or just to see if there is something we should address on this blog, it’s an incredibly helpful resource and we can’t thank you enough for taking the time to write in. So keep the letters coming! On that note, here are three of the most commonly asked questions that we receive time and time again. Even if it involves topics we’ve discussed before it seems like people never stop wanting advice on this subject and think that the situations they are in are unique to them, but there are loads of similarities throughout almost every letter we receive on these topics. We already responded to the original letters but here is some general advice to anyone out there wondering about the same thing. Be sure to let us know if you agree with us or not!
Question #1: We dated for a bit and now he wants to be ‘just friends’. I’m not really interested. We’ve had sex! I haven’t generally done that with my friends. I don’t want to hurt his feelings though. What should I do?
This is asked of us time and time again. It’s a difficult one to answer because I really see both sides of the situation in this case. On the one hand, I think it’s commendable that one of you is willing to set aside your romantic past, even though it didn’t work out, but realize that there is still a lot you like about the other and would like to keep him in your life, in whatever capacity works for you both. On the other, I can see how this can be an awkward situation for the person who isn’t that keen on it. Once sex becomes part of your history it’s hard to look at each other the same way. To go from being naked together to all of the sudden meeting up for a casual movie is not always the easiest transition. The best thing I can suggest in this situation (for both parties involved) is to take things slow and steady. If you try and go from breaking up one day to suddenly seeing each other a few times a week as ‘just friends’ there is not much of a change in the relationship dynamic, is there? By being honest with each other about how you are both feeling and agreeing to try seeing each other as friends, both realizing it might not be the easiest thing in the world to do, is the smart way to go. Many of the best friends are former lovers, after all!
Question #2: I feel like this man is only interested in my body and for some easy hookups, when I’m looking for more. How can I tell what he wants out of it?
This is probably the most common question we get. This is also certainly not something that is only applicable to gay men, by the way. It can be hard (especially at the start) to tell what the other person is thinking. A lot of men will lead each other on and act like they are really interested in the other one, but then once they’ve gotten the sex they’ve been craving, things grow quiet… Who hasn’t experienced this? Many times men will tell themselves that the other one really does have intentions for a relationship but (insert common excuse here) so is unable to act on it in the way they want. With something like this you kind of have to test it out and see where it goes, but remain guarded. If your guard is up from the get-go, then you’re aware of the dangers and you can’t be surprised if he turns out to only be interested in a fast hookup. Communicating honestly with him about what you are wanting (and expecting!) is all you can do in this situation, as long as you are prepared for the possibility of disappointment and remember to tread carefully.
Question #3: I know it’s a cliche, but is he just not that into me? He’s a really nice guy and will often get back to my messages but is usually saying something like ‘Sorry, I have been really busy at work. Hopefully we can get together soon!’ but that doesn’t really happen but he keeps writing me back. When we go out, it’s usually for a quick night out that involves us having sex (and it IS hot sex…)and then him leaving soon after. He says he likes me but that’s he really busy and that things will settle down for him soon… I don’t know what to think.
This is a pretty easy one to answer but a hard answer to receive. I generally believe that if a man is interested in seeing someone else, he will make the effort and go see him. Yes, it can be true that people can have very busy schedules and they can sometimes get busier at a time when you wish you could be elsewhere but if you are truly looking forward to seeing someone, I believe you will put in the effort and get together with him. Communication is very important and if you find that he is not getting back to you and making up excuses, that is not respecting you and a pretty clear message that he is not as interested in you as you would like. Now this is not true for every situation, of course, but I have never really heard of a relationship that blossomed in a big way after those sort of actions at the start and would be quite surprised if it did. But if I’ve learned anything from my time working for ManPlay and reading all the letters you send and hearing your different experiences is that everyone has had different experiences and relationships and it’s up to you to decide what works for you and what doesn’t!
Now you tell me, ManPlay-ers! In agreement or do you think totally different? Write and let me know and then discuss with others in the chat rooms of ManPlay! You just might end up chatting to someone who you can spend some time with this weekend. Give it a go! What’s the worst that can happen? And keep those letters coming!