Good morning to all the gay hotties of ManPlay out there! Hopefully you are all having a great week and taking time to soak up the sun AND go out on some great dates with other hunks on the site. I got an interesting letter today from a member who has a dilemma that is unfortunately all too common. He went out on a date with someone he was excited to meet, only to realize quite soon into the date that the other man was still in the closet. To his family, co-workers, and even some of his friends. The man who wrote me was so taken aback, he got out of the date as quickly as possible. While his reaction was somewhat understandable, it’s not ideal. It got me thinking about what I would suggest to those that find themselves in similar predicaments in the future.
First off, you should be patient and listen to his reasons for not being fully out of the closet. You never know what someone has been through in their past and how that may have impacted his decision not to come out to everyone in his life. Don’t make a quick judgment about him and think that you know him, when you’ve just met. Allow him to open up to you as much as he wants to and then decide if it is something that you can handle personally or not. You do have to consider that him being closeted will affect you as well, if you continue seeing each other. Whether it is a matter of holding hands in public or wanting to meet his family, there are lots of things that will likely be different if you are with someone who is still in the closet.
While it’s important to realize that it will affect you if he stays in the closet, it’s also important to be reasonable and realistic about your expectations for the relationship as a result. Know that the coming out process is different for everyone and you can’t expect him to have the same journey as you have had or anyone else you know or have dated in the past. Communicating clearly is key (for both of you) about how you feel about him being closeted and if that is potentially a dealbreaker or not. This gets into tricky territory because you could end up making him feel like he has to come out in order to keep dating you. While you are hopefully wanting him to come out so that he can be more comfortable with himself and live an open and honest life, it really is something that should come to him at the right time. If you decide to keep seeing him but are sure that you want him to come out sooner rather than later, set a timeframe for yourself so you will know how much time has passed and then you will decide if it’s time to move on or not. If you make a time for around three months and then he still hasn’t come out, then it would be a good time to discuss this again with him and let him know your feelings. I would definitely not advise telling him that you are counting down the time it has taken him to NOT come out. That will just make it seem like you are pushing and applying pressure – which you would be, even if you had the best of intentions. If you show him how glad you are that you are out and proud it will make him want to be more like that in his life.
What do you all think? Have you ever been in a situation like this before? How did you handle it? Write and let us know what you did and what you would suggest for someone in that situation.