Hello to all the ManPlay members out there! From the title of this post, you might be thinking that is a dream scenario. After all, doesn’t it seem like every man over thirty seems to want to have a younger boyfriend? But what might sound like an amazing scenario actually comes with its own unique set of issues. While these are not true for every relationship like this, I’ve gotten enough letters from people to know that things are not always rosy all of the time in a situation like this.
When you are older and dating someone younger, you are both at very different stages in your lives, most likely. Let’s say that you are 45 and you are dating someone who is 28. While these are both ages that make both people firmly adults, those seventeen years can provide a lot of changes in experience that may lead to issues in the relationship. Consider the conversations that the two of them have. While one or the other may be somewhat more mature or immature than their respective age might suggest which would make them have more in common than you might originally expect them to. This is not always the cast though and someone dating a younger man may find himself not being able to understand or relate to some of the topics of conversation that are brought up. If your younger lover is talking about his Pinterest account and you can barely figure out how to use your email accurately, that might make you feel uncomfortable. Similarly, if your younger lover has no idea what bands you are talking about that shaped influential moments in your life that might make him feel like he can’t relate to some of the important aspects of your life that you share with him. The ideal solution for a situation like this is for you both to teach each other about things the other person doesn’t know. Eventually you’ll be able to share things together and create new memories about them, even if one of you has known about them for a long time. It’s romantic to learn something new from a lover (not just in the bedroom, obviously, but the things that you are both passionate about when not in there!) and it’s nice being able to open someone’s eyes to something that is important to you, as well.
Another that can cause problems or stress within a relationship like this is if the older person is more secure in his career and financially. This is certainly more likely to be the case with the older person being more secure than the younger. This can become an issue if the younger man feels inferior or doesn’t feel comfortable letting the older man spend money on him. There isn’t much that can be done about this except talking openly and honestly with each other and working out a compromise that satisfied both of you. This could be that you must let the younger man take you out for a nice dinner on his dime once a month or that the older man will have no problem being generous with his boyfriend but if he ever starts to feel like he is being taken advantage of, he will bring it up right away. As with any relationship, a key to success lies in open lines of communication and also finding what works for your relationship. There are no hard and fast rules that must work for every relationship so finding something that works for your specific relationship is important.
Insecurity can be an issue when dating someone younger than yourself as well. Gay men are notorious for being harsh on people who are not twenty-something and look like they just stepped out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue. If you’re the older man you may feel scared that you’re going to be left for someone younger and more attractive than you. While this is theoretically a possibility, that is always a possibility in any relationship and not something that you should dwell on. If your younger boyfriend is happy with you, he won’t leave you for anyone else, younger or older. Right?
Mentioned above are only a few of the ways in which you might feel like your relationship with a younger man is more difficult than if you were dating someone your own age. But is it worth it? That’s a question that only you can answer and will be different for every person. Now I want to hear from you all out there. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was younger than you and it was a disaster? Do you think your own insecurities about being older affected the way the relationship turned out? Would you try it again? Write and let me know your experiences!