Morning to all the men of ManPlay out there! Last night I was at the home of some friends and two people started to get into an argument and it was clear it was going nowhere fast and neither of them were going to leave the argument feeling any better about the situation (which was pretty ridiculous to begin with). This then got me thinking about the best ways to go about an argument that are fair to both of you – and where you hopefully end up feeling like you’ve made your point clearly and effectively! Let’s face it: No matter how drama-free you try to be, gay men do get into arguments just as often (if not more!) than straight men. Here are some of my top tips for handling yourself in an argument. Let’s hope you don’t have to use them, but if you do, keep these in mind!

Don’t tell the other person to relax or calm down! This is going to do exactly the opposite and no one wants that. If you’re already dealing with someone who is on edge and absolutely flipping out, telling them to take it easy is going to do nothing but enrage them more. I know it doesn’t make sense, but when you’re already dealing with someone who is that upset, don’t make things any worse by talking to him this way. Keep your cool, for sure, but don’t suggest they do the same and hope that they switch their voice levels as a result. Next, it’s important to remember to only talk about how you feel in the situation and not bring the opinions of anyone else into it. By saying that one of your friends (mutual or not) or a parent agrees with you, it’s not going to help matters and will likely just upset the other person more because you’ve been discussing the issue with others and they might not appreciate that. This is something that will likely take the argument in another direction and only make it last longer because now he’ll want to discuss the issue with whoever else you brought into it and what they think about him. There’s nothing good that can come from this, even if you’re talking about someone he really respects; it will just end up hurting him more and that’s no way to get ahead in this argument.

It’s also a good idea to make sure that you word your sentences with ‘I’, so you say things like “I feel like you…” instead of just saying “You always…” which is bound to sound accusatory. While we’re on the subject, avoid using words like ‘always’ which will likely get you a response along the lines of “Oh do I? I ALWAYS do that, do I?” which doesn’t further your cause or make it seem like you are making a clear point. A lot of these will make it seem like you are accusing him of something when he might be more mad than you by a clear margin. It’s not going to help you either if you make empty threats designed to scare him into doing something differently. Even if he were to give in and you were to later reveal you had no plan in keeping up with your threat, that will show him that he can’t trust everything you’re saying and will know for your next argument what tactics you have in mind. And believe me, even if he is a total gay Romeo, there is a good chance there will be another argument in the future! By keeping your cool in each argument and trying to resolve things in a rational and fair way so that both of you end up happy, you are not only solving the problem of the argument, but also establishing clear communication lines for the future. That way, everyone wins!

What do you think of these techniques? Have you tried out any of them in the past? Write and let me know what you think or if you have some other suggestions that will help other ManPlay members out there. Don’t forget to hit up the chat rooms online and see what other tips members have!

Terrence

Categories: Gay Men Gay Romeo Terrence