One question that gay men send me time and time again is asking about what they should put in their first message to a man that they are interested in dating. I totally get it. It can be very daunting to write someone out of the blue after reading their profile and deciding you would like to get to know them. Do you write something long? Keep it short and sweet? Suggest a time to chat online? Give out your phone number? Here are some of my tips that I suggest to people when they write to me. If you have some other ideas of what you like to receive for a first message, please let me know and let me know what of these tips works for you!

For one thing, something that I have mentioned time and time again and yet continue to be frustrated when I look at other profiles online, is that it’s important to be literate and construct your sentences well. No, this does not need to be Pulitzer-worthy material but let’s keep the emoticons to a minimum and try using punctuation and capitalization, shall we? I know a lot of people don’t care about this sort of thing, but don’t forget that this is what is going to make your first impression on a potential date, so you never know what he prizes as an important trait in a potential dating partner. Next, it’s a wise move not to bring up any physical traits right off the bat. It instantly makes it seem like you are only interested in him for his appearance so avoid complimenting him too much on his. You can mention a couple things like ‘cute’ that could also relate to other things that he mentions on his profile and not necessarily his appearance. Who doesn’t like being considered cute, anyway? Even if you’re the biggest muscle stud around it’s a refreshing change of pace to be called cute instead of something like hot. It’s a very wise move to show that you definitely did read his profile and took note of specifics. You don’t need to go overboard but you can say something like ‘I love that you mentioned David Sedaris is your favorite author. Mine too!’ which demonstrates you have something in common and that you took the time to properly read his profile. This is a good place to interject a question which will hopefully guarantee a response from him. By saying something like ‘I’m curious what you thought of his latest book…’ you are engaging him and showing you are knowledgeable about something that is important to him. By mentioning his name (provided he mentions it in his profile) it’s clear that you aren’t just cutting and pasting a generic message to every person on the site, so try and bring it into the message. An interesting addition that you may or may not want to use is that I find that men who come across as self-effacing on their profiles and in their messages are more likely to attract their own messages or responses to ones they receive. After all, who doesn’t love a funny man? In terms of length, I advise not to go over 300 words. While that’s hard to estimate, just go to the rule of two paragraphs or less. You can definitely show your interest and some of your personality in that number of words without coming on too strong. It’s also a good way to keep the time you spend messaging him down because if you don’t hear back or things don’t work out, you don’t want to feel like you wasted two hours of your life on a message that you never got a response to.

While it can be a daunting and nerve-wracking thing to message someone you are interested in for the first time, it is worth the effort when you get a message back and find that you two are hitting it off. The biggest tip of all is that, no matter how scared you might feel about writing him first, just go for it! What do you have to lose? So many hot boys sit around single because they are scared to make the first move. Don’t even think about the possibility that things won’t work out. Just follow some or all of the tips mentioned above and get typing away. Hopefully you’ll get a lovely response in return, and if you don’t, just move on. One of the great things about a site like ManPlay is that there are so many great gay men online all the time that you can easily move your attentions onto the next person that strikes your fancy! If you have any other tips or comments on what you like in a message, be sure and leave them here!

Terrence

Categories: Gay Men Hot Boys Terrence