Afternoon to all the gay boys of ManPlay! I hope spring is in full gear where you are and you’re enjoying some sunshine. I just received an interesting letter from a ManPlay member that got me thinking. In it he was talking about how he’s looking for someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with but he’s not meeting anyone who is close. He feels that he’s developed a pattern for identifying red flags that let him know he wants to head for the hills. At first I thought this might be a bit rash on his part but then I started to think about the men I’ve dated over the years. Were there not red flags quickly after we started dating that I should have noticed that ended up being reasons why I bolted in the end? As I started thinking about this, I realized that there definitely were them. Here are some of the things that I’ve decided make easy-to-spot red flags and let you know he simply ain’t the one!
On the first couple of dates when you go out with a new potential gay Romeo, ask him a few casual questions that seem like they are no big deal and nothing out of the ordinary and then watch out for his answers to see if they might be red flags for you. First off, casually ask him about his family. If he responds with an answer like “Ugh, forget them. Cut them off years ago!” and won’t elaborate, that’s not a good sign. While I know that it’s not fair to judge someone solely based on the relationships he has with his parents, it can be an indicator of how he treats people he’s known for a long time. And that’s not even mentioning the DNA factor. If his father is in jail, for instance, and has a history of violence it’s possible that those traits have been passed down to his son. Again, this is not going to always be the case, of course, but it is something you can be aware of because DNA is obviously a big factor in how a person acts. Casually asking him about his career history and plans for himself will also give you an idea of how successful he is likely to be in the future, as well. I think we can all agree that successful people generally work hard for it and have ambitions unless they grew up in wealth and work for the family business. It might be a generalization but if he says something like “Who knows? I’ll just see where the wind takes me…” I would consider that a definite red flag. Of course this is only one if you are concerned that your partner be a success in his career; then you’d definitely be concerned about this. If it’s not a big deal to you then carry on! One thing that I find from reading your letters always seems to be catching people off guard is a simple fact: People rarely change. While this is a subject that people often disagree with, think about the relationships you’ve had with people for a long time. Unless they are very serious about attempting to change a facet of themselves they usually stay more or less the same, right? If you are starting to date someone and feel like there is something about him that you would like to change and think you can get him to do it over time, be aware that is likely going to be a losing battle. Check for indicators as well that he might have a problem with drugs or gambling. These should be fairly easy to spot if he is dodgy about his past history with them and also if he avoids the question or gives you vague answers. It’s also a red flag is he speaks negatively about exes from his past. If he’s someone who has nothing nice to say about any of his exes and makes it seem like they are all crazy and he did nothing wrong, that’s a flag that he’s a) not someone you’d want to have as an ex and b) that he might not be good at sustaining relationships in the long-term and is unable to take responsibility for his actions.
What do you think of these red flags? Anything else you’d like to add to the mix? Have you noticed these in other people and headed for the hills or did you stick it out and become pleasantly surprised that you did? Again, these are just some of the ones that I have noticed in my own life and from things that you all have told me! Let me know in the comments what ones you agree/disagree with!