This is a question that you guys send to me all the time. I totally get it, too. It happens to me, too! It doesn’t matter if you’re one of the hottest gay men on the site or not, everyone seems to have an instance where suddenly you don’t have an expected message waiting for you. You know the drill: You start chatting to someone, maybe in the gay chat rooms or in a direct message, things are going great as far as you’re concerned, you’ve been talking back and forth quite regularly for several days (or even weeks!) and then – NOTHING! Instead of seeing the expected message from the hunk you’ve been messaging, there’s nothing – and nothing seems to be coming in either. Why did this happen? What should you do next? When this happens seemingly out of nowhere, sometimes hasty decisions can be made like writing a slightly rude follow-up message or deciding you are done with him no matter what. Before you start getting too stressed out, read on. Here are some of the reasons that can explain why you haven’t heard from him, along with some suggestions of what you should do next.

First of all, consider the he has an entire life outside of ManPlay. While it’s easy to think that he’s checking just as often as you are and is as interested as you are, it’s possible that something has happened in his life recently that has shaken up his routine unexpectedly that has kept him away from his account. Even something as seemingly understandable as a big new campaign at work can be exhausting him and while he might be intending to write you back every night when he gets home, he finds himself falling asleep after a microwave meal and a glass of wine, only to have to get up and return to his stressful job a few hours later. We’ve all been in the situation where we’ve suddenly become so busy that even keeping up with the correspondences that you most want to get back to becomes seemingly impossible, even with the best of intentions. It’s also important to remember that not everyone is going to have the same expectations when it comes to getting back to messages in a timely fashion. Online dating hasn’t been around forever and many people are still finding their footing when it comes to what they are comfortable with online and what they aren’t. It’s entirely possible that he has started to get nervous that he is coming on too strong or that he’s doing something wrong. If you’ve just been talking to each other for a little bit, you don’t know what he’s thinking, necessarily. This could be the first time he’s found someone he’s interested in for a long time and he’s not sure how he feels about that.

When it comes to following-up, I definitely think it is okay but I would strongly suggest that you just do it once and wait a week to do so. When you do send that message, keep it light and don’t make it seem like you’re upset that you haven’t heard back from him. Try making it seem like the situation was in your hands all along and you’re just checking in because you’d like to hear from him again and hope he’s up for it. Light and breezy goes a long way! If you’ve set out to decide that you’re going to follow-up a week later, decide how much longer after that you will still think about him if you haven’t heard from him. I advise that you give yourself a window to think about him and if you haven’t heard back in that time, you promptly move on. With a site like ManPlay, there are millions (!!) of members out there, and while it’s great that you feel like you had a connection with someone, sometimes these things just don’t work out and it’s best to move on. With that in mind, remember that every messaging situation is going to end in one way or another. Either you’re both going to take the conversation offline and meet in the flesh or one of you is going to get tired of messaging back and forth and decide it’s time to cut the conversation off. In those situations, it’s definitely the classy (though often more difficult) approach to let the other person know the reasons why you’re stopping the conversation, but sometimes you just never hear from him again. Yes, it sucks. But there are plenty more hotties out there for you; never forget it!

Now, you tell me, ManPlay-ers! What have you done in these situations in the past? Have you ever given up on hearing from someone only to have him resurface days or months later? Let me know in the comments and tell us all if you have any more suggestions!

John xo

Categories: Gay Chat Gay Men John